"...Or Maybe They Just Don't Think She's Very Pretty."

As you may have realized by now, I think my students are pretty much the funniest slash cutest creatures on the face of the planet.  For real.  I am obsessed with them.  Lately I have been keeping notes of the funny things they say.  I think it's pretty hilarious.  Enjoy!

A:  Ms. Keddington, I have 2 good newses!  Number One:  I am SUPER fast!  Number Two:...Actually, I don't remember number two.  I'm just super fast."

R:  Ms. Keddington, I have a super funny story... A frog and an ant.  ****Hysterical Laughter.****
Me:  Uhhhh, R., that's not a story.  There is no verb.
R:  But don't you get it?  A frog and an ant.  ****More hysterical laughter.****

A:  Ms. Keddington, guess what I learned today?
Me:  What?
A:  NEVER mess with a woman.
Me:  That's a very good thing to learn.

I have been testing my students' reading levels this past week.  In order for my 1st graders to be on grade level by the end of the year, they need to be on a level 16.  For my 2nd graders to be on grade level, they need to be on a level 24 by the end of the year.  My goal for my students is for them to go up 14 levels in one year, which is essentially a year and a half's growth in just one year.  If they reach their reading goal, they get to wear one of the medals I have gotten for running various races.  It's kind of a big deal for them.  On this particular day, I was testing a first grader, R.
Me:  R.!  You just passed a level 25!  You are now on a 3rd grade reading level!  That's soooo amazing!  I'm so proud of you!  You've gone up 21 levels in just one year!  WOW!
R:  What?!  Now I have to be in 3rd grade?

The next one I cannot take credit for.  One of my coworkers told me this one.
E:  Ms. Ogata, A. told me said that my mom is fat.  And she's NOT fat, Ms. Ogata.  Then he said that my dad is fat.  And well, Ms. Ogata, that's true.  He IS fat.  But my mom's not, so he shouldn't have said that.

In my class, I often have my kids "Kiss their brains."  They do it when they get an answer right, or when they are working really hard.  I tell them that they need to be kind to their brains since they work so hard.
J:  Ms. Keddington, I just kissed my brain, and I think it grew!!!  I am so smarter now!  (again, the English isn't always so good)

I already put this one on Facebook, but I think it is worth repeating.
A:  Ms. Keddington, did you see that?  I breathed and smoke came out of my mouth!  And I wasn't even smoking!  How did I do that?!

And, for the grand finale, my students recently fought over the reasons why I am not married.  This is how it went:
J:  Ms. Keddington, is your husband at war?
Me:  Ummm... no.  I'm not married.
J:  You're not married to a soldier?
Me:  I'm not married at all.
J:  Why not?
M:  Because she breaks up with EVERY boy!
A:  Or maybe they just don't think she's very pretty.
Am:  ***Mortified, outraged gasp*** She is soooooo pretty!  She just doesn't love them!

On a related note, my six year old niece, while talking to my mom about my dating habits said, in a very exasperated tone:  Grandma, how many boys is she going to date?!
My answer:  About a million, apparently.

Ah. Such is life.