One of my favorite children’s books is “Alexander
and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day.” I think I love it so much because everyone
can relate to it. We all have days like
that every once in a while. Well, last
week, I had one of those days. It was
not fun. I am not generally known for
being super emotional, but that day, I couldn’t contain my emotions. I cried all.day.long. Now, it’s not like I was sobbing or anything.
It was more like I was weeping. I would still teach, it’s just that there
were tears streaming down my face as I did so.
But there was one moment where the crying was a little more out of
control. Luckily it was during a time when
my kids were working independently while I worked with small groups of
kids. Except for on this particular day,
I just sat at my computer for a bit and tried to gain control of my
emotions. One of my little boys came
over and said, “Ms. Keddington, are you crying?” I told him that I was, so naturally he asked
me why I was crying. I said, “I am just
very sad today, R. That’s all.” He replied, “But Ms. Keddington, I still love
you.” And then he threw his little arms
around my neck and hugged me tight. This
obviously made me cry even more. Then
this boy, who is usually one of the “troublemakers” in my class, went around to
every single group of kids and said to them, “Guys, Ms. Keddington is
crying. We have to be extra good today
and follow the rules.” Such a
sweetheart.
R. had the best of intentions, but when word
got around that I was crying, the last thing the kids wanted to do was sit and
do their work. True to the nature of
young children, what they wanted to do was see me crying. Soon I had 23 children swarmed around my
chair and each one of them was trying to wriggle his or her way forward to give
me a hug. I was literally surrounded by
love in that moment. Each of my students
was so concerned for my welfare, and genuinely wanted to know what was wrong
and how he or she could help.
I decided to take a moment to address their
concerns, as well as teach them a little something about love and compassion if
I could. I asked them to join me in a
circle on the carpet. They did so, and
for the first time in a long time, they did it quietly!!!! Once we got to the circle, our conversation went
something like this:
“Boys and girls, you have noticed that I have
been crying today. How many of you have
ever cried?”
***Most students raised their hands…except for
my boys who are too cool for school.
“What are some of the reasons you cry?”
***Answers ranged from someone taking their crackers
at lunch, to getting hurt, to being scared.
“From what I’m hearing, sometimes you are sad
and cry because of things that just happen to you because life is hard. For example, when you fall off your bike and
scrape your knee, that’s not really anyone’s fault. That just happens sometimes. But sometimes we also cry because of things
that other people do. For example, when
someone says mean things to you at recess, you are sad because of a choice
someone else made. That is sometimes
really hard.
“Well, today, boys and girls, I am sad because
someone I care about a great deal has made some choices and said some things that
have hurt my feelings. This is hard for
me because I try to be kind to everyone, and it is hard for me to understand
why other people would do things to me that are not kind. Have any of you ever felt sad because of choices
other people have made?”
***At this point, many of my students raised
their hands and shared things that made them sad. They included things like parents getting
arrested, parents drinking too much and fighting, parents staying in Mexico and
sending their son to America, and classmates mocking other students.
***Also, by this point, a few of the children
were also in tears, and I was wondering what in the world I had gotten myself
in to. Was I scarring these children for
life?
Then, a beautiful thing happened. One of my students said, “Wait, F., your dad
got arrested? Wow. That must make you so sad. I’m sorry.”
There were murmurs of agreement all around the circle. This wonderful, beautiful circle of precious
children of God. The next thing I knew,
I was just watching as little acts of compassion and love were performed. V. stood up and got a box of tissues and
handed a tissue to every person who was crying.
A. put her arm around J. and started whispering things like, “It’s going
to be okay.” E. said to F., “My dad got
arrested once. I know how you feel.”
My heart overflowed with gratitude as I watched
the scene unfold. When we had come to
the carpet, I had been determined to teach them about compassion and love. But what I realized in that moment was that
compassion and love are already in us.
We just have to be taught how to let it out.
I asked my students if they had ever heard the
word compassion before. Some said they
had, but most had not. I told them that
compassion meant caring about other people, and doing whatever we can to meet
their needs and help them be happy. Then
I pointed out the acts of compassion I had just witnessed. I told them that simply being a friend is an
act of compassion. They then came up
with their own examples of compassion—inviting someone to play with them at
recess, helping a friend walk to the nurse’s office when she got hurt, standing
up for a friend who was being teased at lunch.
I pointed out to them that those things were acts of compassion.
Then we talked about why it is so important to
be compassionate. E. said, “Ms.
Keddington, we are compassionate because when people are sad, we want to make
them happy.” Such a simple statement,
but so true. We are here on Earth to be
happy. Sometimes things happen that make
us unhappy, so we sometimes rely on others to help us be happy. Sometimes it’s the other way around—other people
are unhappy, and it’s our job to make them happy. Wouldn’t the world be such a better place if
people understood that one, simple truth?
When people are sad, we should do our best to make them happy
again. The end. So much hate, confusion, anger, and fear
could be done away with if everyone lived that way. I know that in those few moments with my
students, my confusion, anger, and fear were definitely done away with because
of the compassion I witnessed. Turns out
love and compassion work miracles.
And that was pretty much the end of our carpet
experience that day. I wish I could say
that my students were kind and compassionate for the rest of the day… but I can’t. 5 minutes later it was, “Ms. Keddington, he
took my pencil!” or “Ms. Keddington, she
looked at me!” But, for a few glorious
moments, we all just forgot ourselves for a bit, and loved our guts out. And for that, I will be forever grateful.
