I realized tonight after I got home from my busy day, that it was almost March, and I had not blogged in the month of February. So here we are, at 10:56 (which is WAY past my bedtime, by the way), starting a post.
A couple of months ago I had an experience that proved to be quite profound for me. I was visiting my family in Utah, and was on a walk with my little nephew, Daxton. He is quite adorable, and I loved spending time with him. And, luckily, it was pleasantly warm outside, even though it was in December. Anyone who knows Dax knows that he does not like to be held very much. So, I was following along as he was walking down the street. There came a point when he turned and started to walk toward the road. He stopped on the little strip of grass, facing the road. I said to him, "Daxton." That was it. And he just stood there. I could almost see the wheels turning in his 19 month old brain. He was clearly trying to determine whether or not he should go into the street. He took one step. I said again, "Daxton." I did not yell, or scream, or even talk loudly whatsoever. I just said his name quietly. Finally, he looked back at me, thought for a couple more seconds, looked at the road, looked back and me, and then finally walked back to me. We finished our walk down the road to my parents' house, and that was that.
I know, it probably sounds like such a simple story, and it might be quite surprising that it had such an effect on me, but bear with me for a moment. For me, children help us understand our relationship with God. As we interact with them, we come to more fully understand how the Lord works with us, and, ultimately, how much He loves us. The more I spend time with children, the more I recognize my own faults. I feel like every day at school I am reminded of how I need to develop more patience, of how I need to grow in charity for the ones who drive me crazy, of how I need to gain more knowledge of how to help these kids, and so on, and so on, forever. I have gained a new perspective on the scripture that says, "...and a little child shall lead them" (2 Nephi 21:6, Isaiah 65:25). Obviously little children lead us to Christ because they are the most naturally like Him. However, I have come to understand that for me, at least, they lead me to Christ because they expose my weaknesses, and make me realize how much I need Him. Being in charge of 24 of His children every day sometimes seems like a daunting task, and I often feel like I am failing. But what I have learned is that while I have no idea what to say when a child tells me that his dad was arrested last night, or when another asks me if he can take some food from the cafeteria to give to his younger brother who hasn't eaten that day, He does know. He knows how to reach those kids because He knows them better than anyone. He can give me a greater capacity to love them. He can succor me so that I, in turn, can succor them.
Anyway, I digress. That was not the purpose of this post. As I watched Daxton that day, I thought of how we have moments of decision, just like Dax's moment of decision, every day. We see this option ahead of us, and it is sometimes appealing. It is exciting and new, and we'll probably survive it just fine. After all, there were no cars coming down the street. But the other side of that street just might be better than this side. And how are we to know if we don't try? But then we hear that quiet voice calling our name. We try to ignore it. And yet, it's a voice we know well. It's a voice of someone we know loves us, and wants us to be safe and happy. And yet, the other side of that road! What if we're missing out?! There it is. That critical moment when we have to decide who we trust more... Do we trust ourselves, with all of our wisdom and experience? Or do we trust someone who has experienced more? In the end, Daxton chose the latter. He chose to follow me, not because he could necessarily see the danger for himself, but because he trusted that I could see the danger.
I sometimes have a hard time with that. I have a hard time putting my trust entirely in the hands of the Lord. I stand on the edge of that precipice, sure that I must know better... Sure that I have it all figured out. And then I remember that I made this decision long ago. I chose years and years ago that I would follow the Savior. I have made sacred covenants that no matter what, I will do His will and put my trust in Him. Not because I always understand His plan for me, and certainly not because I am blindly following. No. I follow Him because He knows better. I follow Him because I have seen too much and experienced too much to deny that His plans for me are infinitely better than my own.
Thank you, Daxton, for reminding me of that. And thank you, Daxton, for leading me to Christ.
